Crossroads

I have a friend who is going through this stage that all introspective women seem to go through in their mid-20's.  The stage where you finally allow the reality of getting through school and out on your own sink in and realize that nothing you have done to this point has really prepared you for the self criticism and unanswered future that lies before you.  These five years, or maybe more, are filled with the biggest personal questions you'll face - where you'll go, what you'll do there, who you'll love, and leave, along the way.  At this point, the blank slate concept is as intimidating as it is exciting.

I have another friend who once referred to this stage as a "quarter life crises".  I know everyone going through the "mid life crises" probably thinks that this is preposterous.  You're in your 20's, how can life be so difficult?  And, yes, I'll definitely grant that those days spent trying to figure out what you want to do with your life can be much much more exciting than a life spent living out the choices you've made, especially if they're the wrong ones.  And I think somewhere in there, within an books worth of questions, lies the pressure.

What if you get it wrong?

The choices you make daily are small enough to be laughed off or fixed if necessary.  The choices you make at that point in life:  location, careers, spouses, children.  These are the building blocks for what you'll wake up to, or walk away from, every day for the rest of your life.  I'm just saying I don't envy her.  I was there a few years ago too and when she stresses about whether or not to call him back or take that new position at her job, all I can do is tell her it will all work itself out and to just try not to worry.

There are parts of that identity that I miss just a little though.  I always loved wondering what the future was holding for me and how it would reveal itself and when.  I also miss some of the friendships I have that are changing due to us all "growing up".  I think about all that for a second and still don't want to change a thing.  Maybe that's how you know you've gotten it right, at least for now.

What she's going through in her life will eventually lead to what I kind of feel like I'm going through right now in my late 20's.  There's still a feeling of excitement, of course, because we still have so much ahead of us and so many new things to experience together.  There's the feeling of comfort with a hint of creeping, dying to break through self acceptance.  But there is a feeling of moving on, growing up (not old), and saying good-bye to that part of your life.  The part that would stay out too late, move across the country on a whim, and quit her job if she wasn't happy.  Your definition of 'fun' changes from not remembering a friday night to getting to bed early for that run you've helped organize in the morning.  Toddlers start to show up at the picnics you're attending.  And some of those questions you were asking yourself are finally answered.

I wouldn't change anything about my life now.  I'm fortunate enough to say that at the ripe old age of 28, I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted and I'm the happiest I've ever been.  But that doesn't mean I can't acknowledge that every so often I miss those times when not a whole lot made sense and that was ok.  In the end, we're all pretty fortunate, aren't we?  That we can spend an evening warm, with loved ones, watching our choice tv shows, and knowing that we have a place to go in the morning to provide for ourselves?

One of my favorite quotes is "You only live once.  But if you do it right, once is enough."

I wonder if that's true.

On a less "thinky" note, here's to presents of singing holiday clocks that shut off at night but wake you up at 6am.  See, MOST people would consider 6am night time.  Not our favorite little howling santa bears.

Every hour on the hour.    

Dave "shopping" for presents.

Happy Howidays.  Throw my ball.