Out and Back: A babies story. Part 2.

We found out at about 12 weeks that we had a condition called a placenta previa. Under normal circumstances, it's very common and usually takes care of itself in the first trimester. But, of course, because we were having twins, and because things I do rarely seem to be normal, ours hadn't improved and by 25 weeks, the doctors seemed concerned that it wouldn't. They warned us against going on our annual summer trip to New England and the cottage in Canada but I suppose we were naive and really had no idea just how serious the condition was so we went anyway. I did do the necessary research beforehand and located NICUs along the way just in case. It was a wonderful trip...


Wilderness 101, PA

Bender loves hotel rooms

27 weeks in CT

Picnicking in MA

Watching the rain outside our cabin in CT

Rock designs on the deck in Canada

Front porch sittin

Amazing beach this year

Bailey soaks up sand like a sponge

I walked every day, slept a ton, ate ice cream every night, enjoyed good company and fell in love with being pregnant and seemingly weightless in the water. I felt great.

Week 27. It was early August and we had just gotten back from our trip the week before. It was a normal evening and we went to bed early. I got up at some point in the early morning (or late night - depending on where you are in life) and had our first "episode". I'm going to refer to them as this because it's less graphic and I just don't want to say it. It's my blog, so there. We rushed to the hospital and spent about 18 hours checked in. I can remember the room and how it was set up. We met "Linda's house of pain" and got my first adrenaline shot. I don't even drink caffeine so those shots, although pretty great at slowing contractions, sucked. I got my first experience with the fetal monitors and how they itched and Dave had to sleep on a pull out metal pillow they referred to as a cot. I was put on limited activity and sent home to rest.

We made it another 2 weeks and after coming home from work with a stray dog, we had our second episode. Strike two. They were only giving us three before they would have to deliver the babies for my own protection so having only made it two weeks, we were worried. They kept us for 6 days this time and when we finally did go home, it was on bed rest with almost no activity. I really thought at first that I was going to be the worst bed rest person ever but I realized a few days in that it was the only time I had slowed down enough to actually enjoy and spend serious quality time with my pregnancy and finally get to know these babies... as much as you can through skin, organs, and about 30 pounds of fluid retention anyways. So I read, slept, watched the first five seasons of Greys Anatomy, counted contractions during the "witching hour", sat outside when it wasn't 100 degrees, and tried not to panic at the thought of what might be right around the corner and far too early.

I was also growing tired of being in public anyways and answering the many repetitive and very personal questions that seem to come with a pregnant belly. I've never been good at being the center of attention and very much enjoy my anonymity when I can get it. As a mother of twins, and starting to look like it, you become a walking spectacle. I should have had an XL t-shirt that said: "Yes, I'm aware of how large I am (but thanks for that). I'm having twins. Yes, I'm sure there are two (the eight limbs kicking me all night is kind of a tip off. Plus, we've seen this amazing little thing called an ultrasound as proof). Yes, we know the sexes, it's a boy and a girl. *Smile* I know, it's the perfect family. No, we didn't try for twins (whatever that means). Yes, we conceived them naturally and without drugs (seriously?!). No, they don't run in our family. Sure, you can touch my belly but only if I can touch yours. Yes, I'm aware of how hard it's going to be (once again, thanks for that though). Yes, I'm trying to sleep extra now (mostly because people like YOU keep telling me just how much sleep I'm not going to get when they arrive). Yes, I know I'll need help (but I'd like you to know, I'm not retarded). Yes, we're very excited.

So long, ankles.

A gardening project that would have to wait.

Feet up. Strict prescription of boredom.

30 weeks, front yard.

My amazing husband organized a group online risk game. I won. Though I'm pretty sure people let me have it once I said the game was giving me contractions. :)

32 weeks.

Grotesquely large.

A lot of people have asked me if the episodes were painful. I really don't think they were. I had some pretty serious contractions but I think I was so worried and amped up every time that I didn't notice any pain. Just worry. I remember setting mini goals in half weeks and celebrating the milestones. That's what it had come to. Our goal of course was 38 weeks but from the way everyone was talking, we were lucky to get every day we did.

We made it to 32 and a half when the third episode came and, just as they had warned, it was the worst. It was so scary. We grabbed our already packed bag (we were pros by this point) and I remember shaking and trying so hard to stay calm. Luckily they were able to get everything under control once again, but this time there was no going home. So we did the best we could to make ourselves comfortable and settle in for an unknown set of time and an even more uncertain outcome. The new hospital helped a lot. I loved our nurses too and Dave was incredible. There are few more humbling experiences than peeing in a bucket or wearing mesh hospital grade booty shorts and his largest t-shirt but he took it all in stride, remaining calm, asking questions, and staying with me every night.

In hindsight, I'm really glad I didn't know just how serious it all was. That they had put us in the room directly across from the OR on purpose. That by making us stay in the hospital, it really meant that being 25 minutes away was too far for our safety. That we had only the most seasoned nurses assigned to us. That when they said every day mattered to our babies' lives, it really did. In some cases, ignorance really is bliss.

Soooo itchy. Sleep was elusive.

See? No sleep. Or much showering. Gross.

The day before we delivered.

September 22nd. About 34 weeks. I spent the day as I did every other that week, taking meds, watching the monitors, staying distracted, and dreading every trip to the bucket. That evening, around 9pm we snuggled into bed together and started watching Any Given Sunday, a favorite movie of ours. Dave was out of the room for the final episode and I remember calling to him in a panic, him running to get nurses and then getting my clothes taken off, monitors hooked up, doctors coming in and out, and consent forms to sign. It all happened so fast. I think the whole thing started at 10:15pm and the babies were born shortly after 11pm.

They wheeled us to the OR and decided, thank goodness, that general anesthesia wasn't necessary. I remember feeling so heavy and large as they moved me from the cot to the table and smelling cigarette smoke on someone nearby. It was so hot in there. Dave came in dressed in scrubs and started talking to me about the day we met and other wonderfully distracting details from our life. When the babies came out ("we've got fat babies here!"), they brought them over to say hello before whisking them off for... whatever it is they do. That moment was surreal. I remember thinking that I should feel this amazing connection to them, like you've heard so many other mothers say. Like when you're standing at the altar on your wedding day and you want to feel like it's only the two of you but all you can really feel are the dozens of eyes watching you in your most intimate moment. It's very surreal.

They finished working on me and I went into recovery, waiting for word that the babies were doing ok. I remember my nose itching and talking to the nurse about something... I have no idea what. I think I slept a bit, it was almost 4 in the morning. Dave came and got me and we went to see them for the first time. They were so small. I was getting nauseous and we were both so tired that we went to our new room and tried to sleep before waking up and starting to spread the news of our babies' birth.