Expectations.

I'm glad we went.  Of course I am.  It's the place that I spent 17 summers of my life.  In childhood years, I grew up there.  All of it I remember so clearly and just as most profound things are, this trip was draped in fun, grateful moments and clouded by sad realizations.   

Having my family there felt very full circle.  All of the memories I have from being a child in that place, I got to witness with my own children.  Wrapping them in towels on the deck, buckling their life jackets, playing in the sand, watching them drive the boat, reading comic books at breakfast, walking to get ice cream, looking out the big bay window, eating at the picnic table, swinging in the hammock.  At times I felt like I was spending the entire vacation re-absorbing the place that holds so much family history for us, all the while dealing with the immediacy of impatient toddlers.  Because they have no idea.  They don't know what it's like to say good-bye to a place you love, to try and make sense of the passing of time, to attempt to balance the insistent and very loud present with the ever distancing past.

The place I thought I was taking my kids to, the place I grew up in, isn't really there anymore.  Physically and symbolically, it's changing.  Aging.  It doesn't logistically "fit" the life I have now and I guess that realization surprised me.  And I know I'll be ok with that at some point, but right now, it's pretty sad.  Those who know me well right now know that I'm in the process of giving myself breaks, of not putting too much pressure or permanence on how I'm feeling.  For this trip, I'm letting myself hang on to the memories we made while mourning the changes of the place I knew so well that my own children will not.  

So I took lots of pictures.

 Dinner in the hotel hallway.  I wonder if the monitor would reach to the pool...

Rowan loved to drive the boat.

Avery, not so much.

The pieces of bread Rowan didn't consume, the seagulls really appreciated.

 Daddy's girl.

New playmates!

French fries and gravy.  Americans will never understand.

Blueberry picking/eating.

Rowan's namesake.  I adore this photo.

 

 Loooonnnnnng drive.

Summer Thoughts

Wow.  Two whole posts in a year.  That's got to be some kind of record.  To my credit, it's been a busy year.  A busy and great and hard and fun and challenging and incredible year. 

Looking back at the pictures from January, I can't believe how much they've changed.  Hair, toofs, stability.  Such a difference in such a short time.  It's really hard to believe that we as parents can hope to keep up at all.  It seems to me so far that having toddlers is all about just that, keeping up.  People constantly tell me that time at this age flies by and I believe it wholeheartedly, during the hardest times, I'm actually a teensy bit thankful.  :)  But most of the time I feel like we're working hard at life, work, family, and attempting to have fun... all the while trying to hang on to moments before they become memories.  Because, to me, that blog post seems like yesterday.  And a decade ago all at the same time.

Halfway through the summer.  Fun times behind and even more to come.

 Very serious wheelbarrowing.

 Happy birthday, Mama Rooke!

 Weekly park visits

 Make your fishy face!

 We love visitors

  Goofballs.

January.

I've really noticed lately how much weather affects our daily lives. Maybe it's the fact that we can't control it but our activities and plans depend so heavily on its outcome that makes me notice it. Maybe it's just the omnipresent fear of being cooped up with a cranky, teething toddler forever teetering on the edge of boredom that will make you check the forecast and wonder if the park, or just a stroll in the woods, is an option. Either way, this time of year has always been a very love/hate relationship of mine.

Honestly, I believe things are just more complicated in the winter. More clothes to keep track of, less day light means more workout planning, less fresh fruits and veggie options for quick and healthy snacks, and need I even mention how sick and tired I am of everyone being so sick and tired?

Not to say that the winter months don't have their importance. I love snow. And fires, and low key movie watching nights. And sweaters, and moonlight that just seems brighter this time of year. The clear, crisp run I went on last night through the fields in the snow covered grass makes the 30 minute coats/shoes/hats/gloves gear up time seem worth it.

We've actually had a pretty good mix of warm and cold so far. Parks and chilly hikes. And breaking in our new home.